things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
