So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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