so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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