i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
