yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
