someone get that fucking seahorse.
Can Purell be used as lube?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
