it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
