I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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