You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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