I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
