i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
