we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
