Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
