I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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