By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
