I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
