I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There's always time for handjobs
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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