Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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