tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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