I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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