Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
