He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
