At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
