I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
