too bad you live with your parents still
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
