She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
