Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
