she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
