He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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