She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
