AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
