Kiss
Puke
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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