he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
