I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
