Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Randomize
