he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
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