Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
40s are totally the cure
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
