We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Who died my cat blue again?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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