Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
