Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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