From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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