sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
