did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
