Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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