Already got asked if we're dating
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
