Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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