smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
