The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
sex in a hospital.. check
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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