Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
