So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
